anotherlongshot (anotherlongshot) wrote,

I am so incredibly stressed out over this paper that I have to present and discuss with people other than my supervisor on 27 February. I am way behind my mental schedule; I thought I would be done with it by now, but I still have two sections left to write. The worst part is, I don't really understand what the fuck I am arguing. Perhaps it was a bad idea to focus on this new, barely-developed chapter for the discussion group session; perhaps I should have listened to Dr P and submitted Chapter 2, which is way more developed.

But I am sick of Chapter 2 and I was excited about the ideas that Chapter 3 discusses, and so I wanted to take them for a test drive. Now, though, I am just confused. I feel like I am making these obvious arguments that are not even worth making. I feel like my PhD so far lacks serious intellectual rigour. It is very annoying.


I left the library at 12.20am. I foresee that this is going to be happening over the next three days. Joy.

I was, however, distracted by W. He texted me at 11.10pm apologising for taking 3 hours to reply as he was at dinner. I did not have the self-discipline to leave my phone in my room, and definitely did not have the self-discipline to avoid flipping over my phone (which is usually screen-down on the table) every 10 minutes (not specifically to see if he'd replied; just to check for messages in general. I should add that my phone is usually on silent, non-vibrate), and so I saw his message...and replied.

That spurred a back-and-forth that went on for the next hour which obviously distracted me from writing the paper. How silly of me, right?

Some of his messages were quite cute though. I told him that my paper was killing me. He replied, 'Oh no! A homicidal paper! Do not let it kill you - tell it you owe me a drink!!!'

I said that I always write too much. He said, 'You've just got a lot of intellectual love to give [heart-shaped eyes emoji]'

I asked him how he coped with being confused about the points that he wants to make when writing a paper. He said, Rationalise them, etc; 'if you can express them really simply - then maybe they're not the right points. Occam's Razor applied to law.'

'Isn't Occam's Razor about eliminating an unnecessary stipulation from what is otherwise a coherent argument?' (Which, by the way, it is.)

How is that different from what he said? he asked. 'Wouldn't it then be "if you can express them really simply, then they are the right points"?' I replied.

'Can't*. Autocorrect fucked me.'

I found it hilarious. He said he assumed I inferred from the context; I said I assumed he made a mistake. But of course, Super Intellectual W never makes these rookie mistakes; he was even astounded that I posited the plausibility that someone would get Occam's Razor wrong. In the end, I conceded the point.

Then I said that I was going back to my room, and just as I typed and sent the message 'This conversation distracted me from finishing the last sentence', I received his message 'I feel like I've distracted you'. I was very amused by the simultaneity of our messages on this specific question.


Despite the weird and kind-of-shitty second half of our Friday night date and some of the negative feelings that it induced in me, I am looking forward to seeing him on Thursday. The flirty-flirt first half was really fun and I loved discussing literature with him, so I would like to do more of that. I like that I am in full control of Thursday; I told him that I would 1) buy him a drink; and 2) pick a place. I haven't decided where to go yet. I will most likely think about it on Thursday itself.

Also, it was kind of cute, too, during the second half of Friday night when we were in his kitchen talking about how he always carries a bottle of water with him, but in a steel bottle because he doesn't like to produce plastic waste, and I said, 'Isn't it heavy?' and he said, 'It's ok, I'm strong', and I cocked my head to one side (the right) and said, 'Are you?', and he imitated me with this look of amusement on his face, as if he thought it was adorable.

See, silver linings; not all of the second half of Friday night was bad.
Tags: cambridge, conversations, dating, guys, phd

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