anotherlongshot (anotherlongshot) wrote,

This current bout of PMS is one of the worst in recent memories. It is debilitating. It saps me of all energy. I am enervated throughout the day, lacking in enthusiasm, feeling overwhelmed by what I have to face, suddenly feeling as if I can't.


PMS amplifies latent unhappiness, right?

I meant it when I wrote, a few entries ago, that putting up with Gareth's behaviour was worth it. But I take it back. Having him in my life in this blase peripheral manner makes me feel even lonelier than I would otherwise feel if he weren't in my life.

I want someone who wants me. His actions demonstrate that he doesn't. And so this is pointless.

I saw him on Monday. He pushed back a meeting that he had to see me. It was nice, etc., he said he'd see me this weekend.

And then...nothing.

I have too much shit to deal with. I really don't need this.

I can't even articulate properly, write proper sentences, because my current dark mood renders me inarticulate. I spent a good 30 minutes after showering breathing heavily, as if overwhelmed by all the stress factors that my fucked up PMS is amplifying.

I feel the same tightness in my chest now, the same heavy breathing coming on, so I'll just stop.


To end on a happy note: I watched Wonder Woman with John. It was really cute how excited he was at the end, all child-like.

It was an enjoyable movie but cheesy and not at all subtle. 'I believe in love,' she said at the end. How cute. Not untrue, but wow, the lack of subtlety was too much for me.
Tags: angst, friends, gareth, movies, pms

  • Cold Weather is Running Weather

    Now that we’re stuck indoors with nowhere to go, the sunny weather that we’d been having for the past week or so had begun to feel like a personal…

  • Two Important Decisions

    Wow. It is incredible that I did not write in here for the whole of October. To be fair, nothing much really happens in my life. My typical day…

  • Writing Challenge

    I signed up for this challenge last month, thinking that I would be done with my thesis by the time the challenge starts...well, I was wrong; still…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.