But, honestly, I don't really care about that. Or about tomorrow's final exam. Even though I should probably care, considering, once again, I'm reading everything for the first time. But I just don't have the mood, or the energy, to bring myself to muster up even one iota of enthusiasm or partiality for it.
I'm feeling kind of sad right now. Even while I sat opposite Wei Chuen dinner, I couldn't help but realise - really, really realise - how it all ends next Tuesday.
The worst is yet to be indeed, quoting my learned friend Mag (nice ACS reference, by the way, considering who I'm dating). You can try to tell yourself all the bright sides - $2000 beats $500 hands down, and um, I can't think of anything else - but the overwhelming emotion is still something that is not positive at all. Dread, resignation, dread, a sinking feeling that everything you love and care about is coming to an end; dread, resignation, dread. Dread.
I need to have a finishing line, real or false, in order to get through this. And I don't really know where that stupid line is. I think that's the biggest problem - not so much that I have to do it, but that I don't know when it's going to end. We can set mental deadlines all we want, but when the obligations start piling up, and when things get a bit too comfortable for comfort, one year becomes two years, becomes three, and before you know it, you're waking up one morning and regretting the past ten years.
I think that's the thing I'm scared of most, above everything else. Would it be good if I ended up enjoying this? Sure, in the sense that it makes life easier for me; but that'd also mean that I would've become someone else entirely.
Don't think I'm ready for that. Ever. Don't think I want that. Ever.
On a brighter note, I must say - the eclairs at this cafe in Joo Chiat called Everything With Fries are FUCKING FANTASTIC. They're the closest to authentic French eclairs that I've found in Singapore. I have tried so many places, but all of them didn't make eclairs that are fat and overflowing with yummy coffee/chocolate/vanilla cream.
EWF's eclairs are fat and overflowing with cream. They are SO GOOD. Definitely the best eclairs I've eaten in Singapore.
Speaking of faux-French eclairs, I miss Paris. 1.80 euros per eclair. I ate two on our last day in Paris.
The ONLY good thing about having exams in Victoria School is that I've been eating a lot of nice food along Joo Chiat.
1) Indian restaurant called Hamsa - very nice masala fish, plus it's wayyyyy cheaper than Go India. I ordered 3 dishes last week plus rice plus lassi plus masala tea and the total bill was 10 dollars more than the price of one dish in Go India. It's not as good as Go India, but it's good enough. Too bad they didn't have my yummy fish when I went again on Wednesday and substituted some weird fried fish for me. But the cheese in spinach gravy was fantastic.
I love Indian food. LOVE INDIAN FOOD.
2) Vegetarian restaurant called Naive - totally shouldn't have ordered rendang and curry at the same time, but they were yummy anyway. Really liked the tofu cake curry. Their Penang rendang - mushroom rendang, essentially - was also really good. Mom said eating the mushroom was like eating meat. Haha.
3) Everything With Fries - ate the main course (some breaded salmon) with curry fries. SO YUMMY. Too much fries though; could only eat half the portion.
Having said all that, I came across this quote from Kate Moss in Time magazine and I must say I agree, albeit with an important reservation:
"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."
Between eating and being skinny/slim/whatevs, I pick the latter. Every single time.
BUT unlike many people, I also believe in exercising. Hence, I eat what I want and I (try to) exercise it off.
BUT if the day comes when I'm really fucking putting on weight, it's bye bye to food. It's back to what I did last time - eat half of what I always eat, lay off the desserts like the plague, NO FOOD AFTER 8, no snacks.
When Wei Chuen hears this he's always like, "That's so sad. You only live one life." To which I say - yeah, exactly, I only live once, and there's no way in hell I'd want to be fat and gross in this one precious life that I live. If I had it my way I'd die pretty, but well, old people aren't pretty, as a general rule, so I guess I have no choice but to die ugly.
Okay need to check Evony attack. Speaking of which, I'm the #5 player in my alliance after the top 3 players quit. This is not a good thing because I totally do not have the requisite army to back up the power that I impliedly have.
In other words, I SUCK! I'M CLUELESS! I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HALF THE TIME! Wei Chuen says I'm just a farmer. He's so mean. =(
I love him very much though. Yay.