anotherlongshot (anotherlongshot) wrote,

number 3. I don't have a life.

Something just occurred to me. A couple of nights ago when I told my mom that I thought she is right about my relationship with Gen, she said that that Saturday when we were at the restaurant for lunch, she sensed something. I don't know what exactly, but she said the people there seemed excited to see me.

Um, okay, so I guess she's not as dense as I'd thought. I didn't know that, you know. I didn't know the people acted differently. I, as usual, did not notice a thing.

I did not notice anything, except that Gen only had eyes for me.

Knowing that warms my heart so much that you could boil a pot of water on it.

Okay, so that was lame, but I just watched an episode of "Friends" yesterday. It was the one where Joey found a sex book in Rachel's bed, and he and Russ were making fun of her. Russ was like, "This coffee is cold. Can I warm it on your loins?" Because, you know, the book contained a phrase that went something like, "her loins were on fire."

I have forgotten the dialogue and everything but the gist is there, and it was just in my mind, okay?

I miss Gen, and yet I don't. I want to be with him, and yet I don't. I don't want to break up with him, and yet I do.

I know the word to describe the above...ambivalence.

(That's the noun form, right?)

Tags: angst, first boyfriend, parents, relationships

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