Something just occurred to me. A couple of nights ago when I told my mom that I thought she is right about my relationship with Gen, she said that that Saturday when we were at the restaurant for lunch, she sensed something. I don't know what exactly, but she said the people there seemed excited to see me.
Um, okay, so I guess she's not as dense as I'd thought. I didn't know that, you know. I didn't know the people acted differently. I, as usual, did not notice a thing.
I did not notice anything, except that Gen only had eyes for me.
Knowing that warms my heart so much that you could boil a pot of water on it.
Okay, so that was lame, but I just watched an episode of "Friends" yesterday. It was the one where Joey found a sex book in Rachel's bed, and he and Russ were making fun of her. Russ was like, "This coffee is cold. Can I warm it on your loins?" Because, you know, the book contained a phrase that went something like, "her loins were on fire."
I have forgotten the dialogue and everything but the gist is there, and it was just in my mind, okay?
I miss Gen, and yet I don't. I want to be with him, and yet I don't. I don't want to break up with him, and yet I do.
I know the word to describe the above...ambivalence.
(That's the noun form, right?)