anotherlongshot (anotherlongshot) wrote,

number 3. I don't have a life.

Something just occurred to me. A couple of nights ago when I told my mom that I thought she is right about my relationship with Gen, she said that that Saturday when we were at the restaurant for lunch, she sensed something. I don't know what exactly, but she said the people there seemed excited to see me.

Um, okay, so I guess she's not as dense as I'd thought. I didn't know that, you know. I didn't know the people acted differently. I, as usual, did not notice a thing.

I did not notice anything, except that Gen only had eyes for me.

Knowing that warms my heart so much that you could boil a pot of water on it.

Okay, so that was lame, but I just watched an episode of "Friends" yesterday. It was the one where Joey found a sex book in Rachel's bed, and he and Russ were making fun of her. Russ was like, "This coffee is cold. Can I warm it on your loins?" Because, you know, the book contained a phrase that went something like, "her loins were on fire."

I have forgotten the dialogue and everything but the gist is there, and it was just in my mind, okay?

I miss Gen, and yet I don't. I want to be with him, and yet I don't. I don't want to break up with him, and yet I do.

I know the word to describe the above...ambivalence.

(That's the noun form, right?)

Tags: angst, first boyfriend, parents, relationships

  • (no subject)

    If I was expecting the thesis submission to suddenly open up a flood of clarity, of posivity, of purpose, then I was sorely mistaken. In the end, it…

  • France, Part 2

    France, continued: The South of France, in my mind, was supposed to be a paradise of sea and sun: an inviting deep blue sea under an unfiltered sun,…

  • France, Part 1

    My trip to France with E was a nice, even if undeserved, break. We drove from London, took the ferry to Calais, drove to St Malo, spent a night…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.