anotherlongshot (anotherlongshot) wrote,

we are fish and we drown

My English assignment was to write my own testimonial. It was given last week and I had put off writing it as the mere thought made me ill, but I finally finished it today, after listening to Jay Chou, Vanessa Carlton and a few songs from Radiohead's "Pablo Honey". Surprisingly, it got easier after writing, "Yelen has been a student at [insert school] since 1993..." and the whole of the opening paragraph.

I went downstairs to get the mail, and in the lift, a mother was taking her toddler out along with her maid. I was barefoot and minding my own business, when I heard the mother laugh. I looked up, and saw that the kid was looking at me and reaching her hand out to me. So I smiled and said, "Hi."

To my surprise, the kid came and put her hand in mine. I took it. Baby skin is soft as silk, void of experience and age. It is comfortable.

I loved that kid's innocence and her lack of distrust in strangers. She looked at me with wonder, as if she was examining a new part of life.

In other words, that kid liked me.

Quote of the day: "There is no way to be truly great in this world. We are all impaled on the crook of conditioning. A fish that is in the water has no choice that he is. Genius would have that we swim in sand. We are fish and we drown." -- James Byron Dean.

I believe James Dean has achieved immortality after his death. He is the perfect idol for the confused teenager, and I can't help it but put him on a pedestal to worship and adore.

Chances are, that is what he would have wanted anyway.

I know the 5-month break between Genie and I is ridiculous and crazy, but I'd talk to him about it and get his take on things. Maybe I'll see him after the prelims, which is after mid-September and before November. November is the month of the big O. A very scary thought, if you ask me, but the O Levels are typically easier than my school's paper, and hypothetically speaking, I can do well, as I am the "cream of the crop". I am in a top-ten school. Hypothetically speaking, I rate among the best students in Singapore.

Realistically speaking, I can't get jack shit if I don't work for it. Forget the whole top ten school shit. It's a false sense of security, and I refuse to be blinded by it. My aim is New York, and I'm getting it, no matter what.

Sorry Genie, but you're second place to my wretched studies right now. I still love you.
Tags: first boyfriend, grades, james dean, life, o levels, secondary school

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