I'd spent the past day and a half thinking over and over my decision to end things with him. I was anxious to get it done and over with, so I was really looking forward (in a neutral fashion) to meeting him tonight and telling him that I didn't want to date anymore. The absurdity, then, of the situation was fitting in the spirit of Pinter's absurdism. Can I be forgiven for thinking that it was absurd -- it really was, and still is -- that Donald Trump's stupid tweet interfered with my personal life? It is literally the reason this thing with Thomas has not ended.
I really want to move on with my life. I'd asked him to watch this play with me but we kept breaking up so nothing was planned, and since I really wanted to watch it, I booked a ticket for myself in the week after he walked away from me. I'm not sure what he was trying to get at last night when I said that I was going to be in London today watching the play, and he asked, 'Going to London by yourself?' What did he care? He could have been my date.
Could have, but never will be again. I'm tired of feeling sad, tired of this constant melancholy, tired of his...ways. I can't deal with it. He is not right for me. He knew how he'd messed up before. 'There are no counters to be made to your points; you are right,' he said, after reading and apparently re-reading my latest 4,000-word email. 'In the midst of goodness, I managed to act as a saboteur and flat-line a relationship in its early bloom. ... You are deserving of someone who can match you in your greatness and secure you in your lows. I can only say that I regret not doing more to prove that, at some point, you had the right idea about me.'
And this: 'Yes; that I let you down and I was wrong to treat you in that manner, and to not work on things (i.e., communication). And that you deserve better treatment than was given.'
Bunch of shit words.
I'm so pissed off at fucking Trump right now.
Words of wisdom from Jessica Jones: 'It's better to let things go before they drag you under.'