anotherlongshot (anotherlongshot) wrote,

Small Victories

I will get around to writing about my post-tennis and over-dinner conversation with Elijah about positive thinking at some point. What I want to say for now is that I have been making a conscious (and arduous) effort to alter my default mindset, i.e. negativity, and find small glimpses of satisfaction and, dare I say it, happiness whenever and wherever I can find it.

Yesterday, it was my getting out of bed at 7.45am. Not a big deal prima facie, but a big deal for me because, after the alarm went off, I ditched the path of least resistance and got the fuck out of bed.

Today, it is this: I have just summarised my entire PhD so far in the introductory paragraph of my last chapter in 266 words and in maybe 15 or 20 minutes. If it is true that the ability to sum up the thesis rather succinctly is a sign that it is actually coming together, then I think the damn thing is actually coming together.

Also important: after so many months of saying I wanted Chapter 5 (the last chapter) written by June, then July, then August, I have finally opened a Word document for it and typed words onto it and saved it as 'Chapter 5 draft 1'.

No, I don't really know what I'm going to say precisely; but small victories, right? I am tired of letting things beyond my control dictate my mood. I underestimate the power of my ability to choose. I have been too permissive with myself, letting myself indulge in negativity because it is the path of least resistance, using my mental weakness as an excuse, instead of setting higher standards and seeking self-improvement.

So: small victories. Being me, though, the cynical part of me cynically wonders how long this is going to last; but small victories. It is better than perpetual angst.
Tags: friends, personal, phd

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