anotherlongshot (anotherlongshot) wrote,
anotherlongshot
anotherlongshot

I have not been writing in here very much, have I?

*

The thing about living where I am currently living in London--Zone 2 in the Northwest--is that it takes at least 30 minutes to get into central London; and it would probably come as no surprise that I am usually too lazy to make the trip. As a result, I spend a lot of my time in the house--probably quite stupid, since the whole point of moving to London is to be in London, the heart of the action, not the fringe of it. I'm in a residential area, so nothing happens around here (except a hit and run on the high street last week, I believe).

That said, I'll start going to the British Library now that I have renewed my reader's pass. While I find it easier to work in this room than in all my other Cambridge rooms combined, I'm still not as focused and efficienet as I am when I'm sitting in a library. So that has to change.

Other things I've been up to:

- Signed up for the half-marathon during the Singapore Marathon in December with Chloe. I have finally more or les recovered from my cold and I went for two runs this week. I am quite pleased with where my fitness is at currently, namely, I have not declined like I had feared. So it's good. I shall start training proper tomorrow. Exciting times.

- Went to Cambridge on Tuesday for a journal meeting, then had lunch with Ivan and worked a bit in the college library before Etienne picked me up. He made a delicious dinner: peppers stuffed with the most amazing rice with the most subtle tastes. It had mushrooms, some blue cheese, chestnuts, walnuts (I think) and thyme...yummy. I spent the night at his. We watched the last two episodes of Luke Cage together. We both did not like the lame ending! It sets things up quite nicely for season 3 but I really wanted Bushmaster to kill Mariah. Alas, that was not to be.

- On Thursday, I met up with two ex-housemates from my first year, Theo and Arthur, for lunch. Apart from the shitty service in the Chinese restaurant that we randomly went to, it was great seeing them again. My first year was made immensurably better by great people like them; in fact, Arthur was one of the first few people that I talked to when I arrived in Cambridge. The three of us always ran into each other in the kitchen as we cooked a lot (and still do) and we would sit down at the tatty table and eat together, talk about things, have a laugh at the weirdos who lived with us...ah, those were great times. And since it has been a couple of years, there was also a note of something having come and gone at lunch; a sense that, while we had a nice year together, it is resolutely in the past. But it was pleasing all the same, to relive it for just over an hour.

- Etienne and I watched Venom yesterday. All I will say about it is that it is an utter piece of shit and I am very, very sorry to have thrown money at garbage.

- We played tennis for almost three hours today. I am properly knackered now. I should probably attempt to write when my mind is alert and focused, right?

- Etienne made me pancakes and scrambled eggs this morning. Even better: he did the dishes. I made dinner tonight and he did the dishes. We had cereal for dessert and he washed the bowls. So I'm wondering: how far should one's ethical views define a person? Perhaps I have been too entrenched in conceiving of myself in those terms that I am blind to the virtue of seeing other aspects of the person and letting these aspects count as much, if not more, than his ethical beliefs. I ought to remember, too, that life isn't perfect; that I cannot find the perfect packagae; that I need to decide what I can, or should, compromise on--and let go of the fairy tale.

- At the same time, another part of me wonders: why live if you don't live it to the fullest? Why partake in life through a monochromatic filter that takes away the highs and the lows, leaving you with a pleasantness that is comfortable, natural, familiar...but because it is such, also rather flat?

- The truth is, I know what I want. I want the whole package. I want a man who treats me like Etienne does but who shares my ethical views, among other things. But perhaps the problem here is my definition of 'the whole package'. Perhaps if I changed it, he might fit it.

- Because there is a lot to be said for a man who does not respond to my bad mood with his own bad mood, who leaves me alone when my hormones are messed up (as they are today) and doesn't take it personally when I'm less cheerful, less affectionate, more self-centred, than I usually am; who doesn't take it personally, indeed, when I say, flatly and without hesitation, 'no' when he asks if I want him to join me in the shower, or tries to elicit a hug from me when the PMS is raging. I am fairly confident to say that none of the men that I have been with would have taken my mood in as easy stride as he did today.

- Anyway. We will see.
Tags: etienne, friends, london, personal, relationships
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