I've been so dominated by my PMS (can't believe I'm still PMSing after so long?!) that I have been feeling very little apart from irritation and a mild sense of dread towards the race. The cranky part of me, also the dominant part over the course of the last two days, is thinking, Why did I think this would be a good idea? How stupid I must be to voluntarily subject myself to waking up at bloody 3am to run 21.1km with apparently 40,000 sweaty people in this stultifying humid country. And since I literally have not had a good run since I came back, I feel like there are very little high points in my training that I can draw on during the race itself, when I feel like I'm swimming in my own sweat...no, choking on my own sweat and the fumes of other people's sweaty odour, when my legs are on fire and begging for mercy, and I'm hating every second of it like I have more or less hated my runs in Singapore so far.
The last time I felt relaxed and free, and truly like I was on top of the world, was when I did a substantive part of my long run in Hyde Park. Perhaps I could draw on that. But it will be very challenging.
At this point, I just want this to be over. I'm really sick of running in this draining humidity and forcing myself to run because I don't want to miss any part of my training programme, waking up at 5ish to run at 6am because any later and the sun will rise and make everything worse. I'm just hoping for a decent finish, not more than 2.5 hours, and that I will run in a positive mood, and be spurred on, rather than brought down, by the people around me.
I should probably try to get some sleep.