anotherlongshot (anotherlongshot) wrote,
anotherlongshot
anotherlongshot

Shot through the heart.

My mom has this friend - her age - who was married for two weeks in her 20's and has since remained unmarried. My mom characterised her as selfish and self-centred; because of her personality, my mom said, she isn't surprised the friend is still single.

My mom has also always said that I'm selfish and self-centred. And it's true: It takes effort on my part to think of someone else. I can only make the effort to think of someone else when I'm in a good mood. When I'm not, when I'm upset, it's all about me. Plus the fact that I'm impatient, always in a rush, I want things done as fast as possible and I want things done now, it means I'm quite unfamiliar with the concept of "giving him space". Maybe I can hold out for an hour before I freak out. Maybe the one hour is better than none at all; but that's a weak excuse.

And the best part is, I can't change. This is just the shit person that I am. I'm always going to be like this. I could make it easier for us both and promise, gratuitously for sure, that I'd try to change; but the truth is, I can't.

The truth is, too, I think you deserve better.

*

Been feeling really upset since the second I woke up. I couldn't make myself get out of the house to buy lunch so I ordered McDonalds'. Yucks.

Watching Djokovic thrash Nadal, knowing already about the thrashing, wasn't even nearly as good as watching it live.

I have to do laundry, buy dinner, study (I still don't care. This is quite bad), and there's the Paris final on TV tonight, and there's also him coming over.

I wanted to talk yesterday and I was ready to talk but something I wrote on my blog pissed him off so he was in no mood to talk. Today, though, I don't feel like talking.

But I can't do this anymore. I'm dying, and my parents aren't home, and I'm dying.

And, yes - still sick.

*

The first time I laughed today was when I was moaning about how sad I was to my Evony alliance members. I said, "Having epic fight with boyfriend. I am sad and depressed."

Mr. Host replied, out of nowhere: "What what. Fight with boyfriend? Hi, how are you."

I found that funny. I laughed. Then the Australian guy sent me an invite to play some CafeWorld game on Facebook and that cheered me up for a good half an hour.

Now I'm trying to study. Which is inherently depressing.

BUT Ruishan sent me a super cute SMS which cheered me up a bit.

*

Sigh I don't feel like taking the exams or getting called to the bar or doing anything related to the legal profession at all. It's such a drag. Whenever I say this, though, my dad goes, "What else are you going to do?"

Thing is, I have a law degree. I can do whatever the hell I please. It's really only a matter of interest and salary.

But I can still do whatever the hell I please. I have options. It's really only a matter of whether I choose to exercise those options.

I'm like Mag now. Short-term goals. Finish pupillage first and see how.

Oh wait, I guess to get to that stage I'm gonna have to pass my exams, right?

Ugh.

In all honesty, I'm worried about one paper: Commercial Practice. Have no idea what the fuck's going on, and the stake through the heart is that I really, REALLY don't give a shit. Everything else is pretty manageable (this is taking into consideration the fact that I'm reading a lot of things for the first time right now), even stupid Wills & Probate where I have to like, bring like, a calculator? I mean, what the hell is that?

Let's not even talk about conveyancing though.

Oh, I was gonna say this: Went for J@miy@h last Wednesday. I took an MC and wanted not to go, but the Board said I'd have to make up 2 hours on Saturday in lieu of the 1 hour which made no sense so I decided to go. Drove through the haze of the drowsiness which the cough medicine induced in me, sat through the 55-minute session...of nothing. I reached 15 minutes late and when I reached the first applicant was almost done. After that the next applicant was a no-show, so we sat there talking to the lawyer for 45 minutes.

Well, he talked to the others and I just smiled and nodded and answered one question. I just couldn't do anything at all.

Anyway, what I wanted to say was that the lawyer said the profession gets better after a few years. That it's painful in the first few years. And that some in the law school would rather take in B students that want to practise.

I honestly think that the only people who stay on to practise are those that really enjoy what they're doing. Oh wait, wait - there are two groups of people: those that really enjoy it, and those that don't give a shit and really enjoy the money. But I tend to forget the latter group exists as it's better for my sanity, so let's discount them.

I really think that the only people who stay on are those that really enjoy it. Because I don't see what else would get you through the painful first few years otherwise.

Yup, that's all I have to say.

Tags: angst, bad day, bar exam, evony, friends, legal profession, novak djokovic, personal, rafael nadal, rui, wei chuen
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 0 comments