I just want my life back. I hate that one day at work has erased all the positive vibes I rode high on yesterday, after Roger's wonderful victory.
I'm just going to watch the match again to cheer myself up.
I wish I can do what he does - look at the big picture, look to the long term, ignore the naysayers telling him now that he's doomed.
But, as always, I'm mired in the deep-seated negativity of the present. As always, the future doesn't exist to me.
Fuck, I hate this, I hate myself. I hate everything.
And I think I'm also a little bit sad that the ATP season has ended. No more new matches, new tournaments, to look forward to; but I guess, at least, he's coming back next year.
My left upper eyelid has been twitching on and off for at least a month. I went to see the firm's doctor yesterday. She said it's due to stress and prolonged staring at the computer screen. She said I should avoid the aforementioned factors.
I said, "But I have to work every day."
She said, "Well, there's nothing you can do about that."
I think I'm just going to my GP from now on. I'd rather pay the money for actual medical care than to receive some crap "free" one.
I also paid $200 bucks for some medicine that's supposed to reduce the acid in my stomach that's supposedly causing some mucus to be stuck in my throat. I feel it going down whenever I swallow. I've finished the medicine. The problem is still here. I asked the doctor about it yesterday. She said it's due to stress.
I love wasting $200 on fucking nothing.
I need Roger Federer NOW.
I think it's fucking sad that sometimes, the only thing that makes me happy is a man who doesn't even know I exist.